Simone Walraven

Found: The Holy Grail

For many hundreds of years, human beings of the English speaking variety have talked about a very special, Magical Item — a Thing of unknown shape, proportion, color or substance, that — according to lore and legend, provides The One-And-Only Key To Getting Things Done.

The saying goes, that you MUST get a Round Tuit (pronounced: “round-to-it”), before you can do something.

“I will stop smoking when I get a Round Tuit.”
“I will learn to speak another language when I get a Round Tuit.”
“I will start exercising when I get a Round Tuit.”
“I will start recycling when I get a Round Tuit.”
“I will take a painting class when I get a Round Tuit.”
“I will climb the Himalayas when I get a Round Tuit.”
“I will tell him that I love him when I get a Round Tuit.”
“I will do what I need to do in order to be able to live my dream as soon as I get a Round Tuit.”
“I will save the world when I get a Round Tuit.”


Evidently, or so it is believed, humanity is powerless without a Round Tuit, and yet no President ever speaks about it.

After 45 years of searching, I finally found my Round Tuit at a gas station in Tennessee. It was laying on a shelf between some brightly colored Easter baskets and a few dusty, ceramic mugs with prints of cowboys, lariats, horses and cows on them.

My lovely, little Round Tuit is the size of an ancient Dutch coin called a “Rijksdaalder”, and it consists solely of a thin slice of tree branch. It became mine for only 99 cents. Now, there are no more excuses!

WHAT?! Are you telling me that The Holy Grail of Human Decision and Action is made from a Tree and not from shiny gold? Come to think of it, that actually does make sense. Without Trees, we don’t get anything done.

Photos of “Authentic Round Tuit” (front and back) by Simone Walraven